Last week we asked our Facebook fans to help us come up with 30 funny fish jokes in honor of the National Aquarium’s 30th anniversary. The 30-plus jokes we received appear below. Like us on Facebook to add your own funny fish tales to the post!
Matthew Abbott of Washington, DC:
One fish says to the other, “You drink like a fish.”
The other fish responds, “So do you.”
Kimberly Rose Allred of Laurel, MD:
What did the sardine call the submarine?
A can of people.
What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line.
What fish is best to have in a boat?
A Sailfish.
Margie Bright Arndt:
What’s the difference between a piano and a fish?
You can tune a piano, but you can’t tunafish! (from my son Josh)
Sumintra Mohan Aumiller:
If fish lived on land, which country would they live in?
Finland.
Where do fish keep their money?
In the river bank.
Bre Brenner:
Why did the whale cross the street?
To get to the other tide.
BaltimoreMD:
Mother: Have you given the fish fresh water today?
Son: No, they still haven’t drunk yesterday’s.
Matt Colly of Bel Air, MD:
What does a fish say when he bangs his head on a wall?
“Dam.”
Karen Chester Dieffenbach of Waldorf, MD:
A fish walks into a bar. The bartender says, “What can I get you?”
The fish replies (gasping), “Water!”
Mary Jo Demshock of Nuremberg, PA:
What happened to the fishing boat that sank in piranha-infested waters?
It came back with a skeleton crew.
Chuck Fuller of Baltimore, MD:
Two parrots are sitting on a perch…The first one says to the other, “Does something smell fishy?”
Jen Gatewood of Lansdale, PA:
Why are fish smarter than humans??
Have you ever seen a fish spend hundreds of dollars trying to hook a human…and still can’t?
Why are goldfish orange?
The water makes them rust!
What’s the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna piano!
Michele Gomez of Baltimore, MD:
Why wouldn’t the little shrimp share his toys?
Because he was a little shellfish.
Leslie Jennings of Roanoke, VA & Dave Pittenger of Baltimore, MD:
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
I want to hold your hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand.
Megan Ann King of Baltimore, MD:
This is from my 5 year old….
What kind of fish chases mice?
A catfish. 
Kara Eichelman Leahy:
Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the ‘kelp-wanted’ ads!
Marco LeMonde, Citizen of the World:
What do you call a big fish that makes you an offer you can’t refuse?
The CODfather!
Lisa Ludwig of Salisbury, MD:
What do fish use to make telephone calls?
A shell phone.
Leah Hamlin:
Why are dolphins more clever than humans?
Within three hours they can train a man to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish!
Leslie Jennings of Roanoke, VA:
What did one rock pool say to the other rock pool ? Show me your mussels!
Genevieve Liboiron of Baltimore, MD:
What do you call a dangerous fish who drinks too much? A beer-a-cuda!
Lisa Thompson Lovette of Portsmouth, VA:
Why are fish boots the warmest ones to wear?
Because they have electric ‘eels!
Maria May:
What kind of fish has two knees?
A “tunee fish.”
National Aquarium, Baltimore:
What day of the week do fish hate?
Fryday!!!
Jennifer Odom:
What do you call a scared fish? Chicken of the sea. That made my mom laugh when I was in second grade.
Adam Phelps of Cary, NC:
What’s the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
Anne A. Province:
My daughter likes these…
What kind of fish goes great with peanut butter?
A jellyfish.
Where do you take a fish that’s ill?
To the Doc-topus!
Christiana Mercer Rigby of Washington, DC & Gene Taylor of Westminster, MD:
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A FSH! (pronounced fsssssh)
Leslie Meadows Stretton:
What kind of fish is especially funny?
A clown fish!
Jason Stroble of Palm Bay, FL:
Sometimes I go fishing just for the halibut!
Thought of another …did I mention I love cheesy jokes?
Why did the Sheephead blush?
Because the sea-weed!
Jennifer McColery Trayer:
What’s the smartest animal?
A fish because they stay in schools!
Kristen Skvorak Vallieu of Pittsburgh, PA:
OK, here is the joke my dad has been telling us kids for the past 30 years (as far back as I can remember):
What do you call a fish with two knees?
A two knee fish! (groan… 
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